It’s both really easy and really difficult to claim that something as “the worst” of any particular medium. It’s really easy in the sense anyone can hyperbolically claim something is “the worst” based on their personal preferences and/or depending on their hatred of said thing. It can also be really difficult from a critical standpoint, since things can be bad for a variety of reasons, and you can always call something worse.
Usually, most forms of media have SOMETHING redeemable about them, even if they’re really easy to hate or make fun of when it comes to their flaws. Personally, I very rarely call something “the worst”, even if I absolutely loathe it. But in this case, I think I have to make an exception. “Abunai Sisters: Koko & Mika” is one of the worst things in any medium, let alone anime, that I’ve ever seen, and it comes in swinging hard for that title.
Abunai Sisters is a short 10 episode OVA released in 2009, barely lasting ~30 minutes total. It barely sold over 250 copies of the DVD. Considering that the first 500 copies to be pre-ordered came with bonuses such as figurines, discounts, and even shout-outs to those first 500 “lucky” enough to have pre-ordered, so it comes off as extra sad that almost no one pre-ordered the thing. But it’s incredibly easy to see why no one did, because owning a copy would be one of the most embarrassing things to have in your library, and that includes hentai.
And to make it more insulting, this was produced by PRODUCTION I.G. of all companies. These are the guys who released Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex, FLCL, The Sky Crawlers, and a lot more high quality stuff released both before and after the release of Abunai Sisters, which begs the question of how and why this was released. Did someone at the company lose a bet? Or did someone have get an injury to the head and accidentally approve this?
Unsurprisingly, only two episodes of this managed to make it to television. An for a while, those two episodes were the only thing you could get your hands on. At some point, all of the episodes were uploaded to various anime torrent sides. But for some bizarre reason, whoever uploaded them uploaded them with the characters voices pitched up, so the entire thing becomes un-listenable. There does exist a copy where the voices are normal though.
But enough about that, let’s just into the series.
When it comes to plot, there is no plot. It’s about two large breasted bimbos who happened to be some sort of secret agents and they both get into hijinks where the two bad guys, a woman with an oversized head and her lackey either try to kill them or steal their “Boobie Stones”. Yes, you read that right, the “Boobie Stones”.
The “Boobie Stones” keeps them young, as well as giving them “Boobie Powers”, which save them from danger, and the bad guys want the power of the “Boobie Stones” for themselves. And that’s pretty much the entire joke. I can’t believe I read that, let alone had to type that out for this review.
And the rest of the series isn’t much better either.
The animation is awful. It barely reaches the PS1 era of CGI cutscene. Making the whole thing even weirder is that the animation is motion captured, which means that someone had to go out of there way to act out everything from this series in person. And now I’m just imagining footage and motion capture data out there on some hard drive somewhere in Production I.G., and a part of me wants to see it.
There is no Japanese dub as far as I can tell. You read that right, there is no Japanese dub, only the English dub. And this is one of the worst English dubs that I’ve heard for anything, with the voices being a mix of nails on a chalkboard, wailing cats, and a bad case of tinnitus. I would say that it makes me want to take a rusty knife to my eardrums if only to never have to hear this atrocious dub ever again, but it’s still going to haunt my nightmares.
What little music there is just as grating as the voice acting, with the theme painfully drilling itself into your brain every time you hear it, wishing you had some aspirin every time it appears.
There are so many other anime projects out there that should have got the time, money, and effort thrown at them instead of this. I would question why this was made in the first place, but I think I’ve found out the reason.
Abunai Sisters was created to promote tabloid celebrities Kyoko and Mika Kano. I had absolutely no idea who they were, so I had to look them up.
Apparently there is some controversy surrounding said sisters, since their lack of resemblance between them as well as their refusal to answer any questions about their age, which resulted in any reporting on their age to be entirely speculation, flamed rumors that they weren’t even sisters at all, but just another group of tarento (television personalities) with a gimmick.
There was even a third “sister” who initially made appearances with them, but apparently she withdrew from the public eye, and only makes the occasional appearance.
So if I had to guess, Abunai Sisters was made entirely as a promotional piece, and tying that to a studio was some prestige behind it like Production I.G., would help in promoting the Kano sisters. Apparently there few a few other controversies with the sisters throughout the years too, but I’ll leave that for another day, this tangent is long enough.
You might think this might be good to laugh at while with friends while trying to have a drunk night of fun watching something bad to laugh at, but it isn’t worth it. There are plenty of so-bad-it’s-good anime out there like Garzey’s Wing or the ADV dub of Ghost Stories. But if you’re a masochist, there are copies floating out there.
If you’re curious, I recommend reading the story of how this got made and the people that this is based on rather than watching the anime itself. It’s a far more interesting story.
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